Transformers: Rise of the Beasts Review
“In the end, everything you care for will be consumed”- Scourge
In the spirit of full disclosure - I’ve probably mentioned this before on a previous review on the old site – but I was never a Transformers fan. When the animated series was shown on TV, I was gainfully employed so I never had the opportunity to watch them. My only knowledge was the catchy theme song that accompanied the toy adverts that saturated every commercial TV break. When the first live action film was released in 2007 – an incredible 16 years ago, a fact that has just blown my mind, I had no intention whatsoever to see it, despite Steven Spielberg’s enthusiasm and involvement. It was the trailer that swung my opinion. Probably when I was sitting patiently, minding my own business, waiting for something like Spider-Man 3 to start. I remember leaning over to Steve, and saying that whatever this was – I needed to see it. Then the title card was shown and my Transformer resistance was forever gone.
And now, here we are, sixteen years older, seven films later and I’m still watching them.
The thing about the Transformers films, for me at least, is that very much like the Fast & Furious movies – they’re not life changing films with deeply insightful and thought-provoking plotlines that alter your perspective of the world and how it works. They are big, loud, dumb summer blockbusters! And I in NO way mean that as a disparaging insult. It’s actually what I love about those franchises and why I regularly show up, ticket in my eager little hand. They’re ideal summer diversions. Not every movie needs to teach us something. Or give us a message. On a hot summer’s day, it’s good to hide in the air conditioned dark and just enjoy the spectacle on the big screen, forgetting the real-world awfulness that’s waiting outside. We all need a bit of escapism.
And that’s exactly what this film provides. It’s everything I would expect to see in a Transformers film. Exotic cars and large trucks turning into giant robots? Check. Explosions and epic battles with other giant robots? Check. Optimus Prime preparing to make the ultimate self-sacrifice? Check. Comedy relief robots? Check. Unwilling (at first) human accomplice? Check. A world threatening threat to be vanquished? Check. It’s all there. Go in with THOSE expectations, and you’re in for a pretty good couple of hours as you munch your popcorn and sip your soda.
The plot? Actually, the plot is pretty strong this time around, and introduces a new branch of beings from the Autobots’ home planet of Cybertron. How accurately these mechanical beasts are realised from their animated origins, I have no idea – I still haven’t seen the series. But they’re impressive, I’ll say that. How do they fit in though?
So, the new characters are the Maximals, led by a Kong-like robot ape named Optimus Primal (voiced by (Ron Pearlman), a cheetah, a falcon (Michelle Yeoh) & a rhino. They’re hiding out here on Earth and have been, for millennia. They escaped Unicron. (NOT “Unicorn” as I had previously misread it, and was waiting to see a robot Unicorn back in Transformers: The Last Knight some years ago, ultimately walking out disappointed, then feeling like an idiot when I realised my mistake.) Unicron is a giant planet sized robot who devours entire planets. The Maximals used a Transwarp key which opens portals in time and space to get here – then split it in half in order to hide it, and make themselves untraceable to Unicron and his underlings, led by Scourge (voiced by Peter Dinklage).
Well, a young intern Elena Wallace (Dominique Fishback) finds one half in an ancient archaeological artefact, and activates it accidentally, which alerts Optimus Prime (voiced as usual by Peter Cullen) who summons his fellow Autobots, one of whom is Mirage, in hiding as a Porsche 911 - being stolen by first time car thief and ex-military electronics expert Noah Diaz (Anthony Ramos) – so those are our humans. (Oh, but Noah is a carjacker with a heart of gold – so he can be the hero.)
Prime is interested in the Transwarp key as a means of getting all the Autobots home to Cybertron, the Maximals have hidden the other half, Unicron is on his way, Scourge is already here and we’re off.
As far as the timeline is concerned, this film follows Bumblebee (2018) and is set in 1994. Bumblebee, as you’ll recall was a prequel to the main bulk of Transformers movies, so we’re still ahead of the events of those movies – in other words, this is before the battle with Megatron, the meetings with Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox and Markie Mark Wahlberg.
There are promises of two or three further films, which my OCD hopes will fill in the gaps between the prequels and the movies from 2007 on. One of which has really piqued my interest and is clearly signposted in a sting halfway through the credits. That’s a crossover I really want to see.
Rob Rating 7/10