Borderlands Review

“Tina, make it rain.” – Roland

Sometimes, I honestly have to pause, scratch my head, and wonder if I’m watching the same films as the mainstream critics. Or indeed the public at large, bless ‘em. I’m not sure that the Borderlands I watched on opening day is the same as the one seen by others. Just a cursory look around before settling down to write this review showed me some sneery, high handed comments like The Independent’s “total disaster” while the Evening Standard went so far as to say it might be the worst film of the year. (That’s a bit strong – they can’t possibly have seen In a Violent Nature.) Even Starburst, the world’s longest running magazine of horror, science fiction and fantasy haven’t weighed in with an online review as of the time of writing, but they haven’t bothered with Deadpool & Wolverine either.

The box office on Borderlands has been pretty dire to date, even factoring in that streaming and physical media sales will give the producers another bite at the apple. So far, it has taken $10.1 million to the date of writing, and is projected to lose the studio twice that amount. I mean, holy crap… is it THAT bad?

In a word, no. It really isn’t.

It’s not the best movie you’ll ever see – but then, by definition, most of them aren’t, are they? But it’s not even the worst film I’ve seen in the past month.

This is a film that Steve had been looking forward to more than I was. He’s the family gamer, and has been for a long time. He has played the Borderlands video games, which I haven’t. But that’s usually the way it goes with films based on games – he approaches them from the “how accurate to the source material are they” perspective, while I sit back and judge them more on a “how good a movie is this” perspective. And in contrast to other critics, we both left the screening happy. He was happy with the onscreen portrayals of characters he was already familiar with, while I had spent an otherwise miserable, rainy afternoon being well entertained. Neither of us was disappointed – and this hasn’t always been the case with game-based movies. (This will be discussed more in detail on Ep. 65 of our Piercing the Veil podcast.)

The trailer caught my eye way back in the spring, and we’ve seen it regularly on our cinema outings since then. It seemed to promise a Guardians of the Galaxy kind of vibe, with a collection of misfits on a quest. And the trailer’s backing music was a remixed version of the Electric Light Orchestra’s “Do Ya” which I’d never heard before. As a fan of ELO since their first hit (10538 Overture in 1971) the trailer really grabbed my attention.

As I’ve said, I walked in just looking for an afternoon’s diversion, an adventure, escapism. If those criteria can be met in a sci-fi movie, all the better. If we have a decent cast of reliable performers, then as far as I’m concerned, we’re home free. And that’s I got.

The Guardians of the Galaxy vibe is most certainly there, but then so are a lot of other familiar tropes from the last several decades of sci-fi movies. We have the comedic, world-weary leader of the misfit group in Roland, played by Kevin Hart. We have the bratty kid in Tina (Ariana Greenblatt, who’s fast becoming a regular, having played young Gamora and young Ashoka in the last Avengers movies and the Star Wars series.) The wise elder in Patricia Tannis (Jamie Lee Curtis) and the mercenary but likeable bounty hunter Lilith (Cate Blanchett). There is also, of course, Claptrap – the wisecracking, loveable robot voiced by Jack Black. Claptrap is, well, his Star Wars name would be R2-ScrewYou. He’s deliberately annoying to our heroes.

Now, our heroes are on a quest, so that box has been ticked. There’s an evil crime syndicate boss after them because Roland has kidnapped his daughter, Tiny Tina, in the mistaken belief that she is the key to untold riches. He sends Lilith, a ruthless bounty hunter after them, but joins them and it’s a wild ride after that.

The film has a lot going for it, especially the cast – Kevin Hart seems a bit toned down from his usual onscreen schtick, Jamie Lee Curtis is reliably laid back and laconic, Cate Blanchett is someone who’s grown on me a lot since her appearance as Hela in Thor: Ragnarok (I always thought of her as cold and off-putting previously) but the runaway star of the show is Ariana Goldblatt as Tiny Tina, an unpredictable wild child with a penchant for blowing things (and people) up, while wearing a pair of fluffy bunny ears and a pink plaster on her nose.

The movie is fast, it’s funny, it’s entertaining. As a person who has never played this particular game, I had a good time watching it. As a person who HAS played the game, and is therefore in a better position than me to criticise the film, Steve also had a good time. BUT – it’s inspired me to get a copy of the game and get playing so I can have the full experience. In a way, I guess I want more, but with the current box office numbers, I’m not holding my breath for a sequel. But who knows? You never can tell. Borderlands may well end up being a cult hit. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

Rob Rating = 7