Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire Review

“Is that a mini-Kong?” – Bernie Hayes

I’m a long, and I mean VERY long-time fan of Kong and Godzilla. As I’ve often said, King Kong (1933) was the film that got me into watching movies in the first place, and without the obsessive movie watching, there’d be no writing. And if there was no writing, there’d be no website. As for Godzilla, one of the first things I did when I bought my first multi region DVD player was scouring the world for all the original Toho films. Oddly, due to various copyright in various countries, no one company has rights to all of them.

Anyhow, I mention all of this not to use up cyber paper and web space, but to explain how I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this release. I had enjoyed the previous movies in the series, and I absolutely LOVED Godzilla Minus One, which I saw just before Christmas. So why the apathy? A lot of the vague disinterest was due to the trailer, and the debut of a smaller giant ape, with a pathetic looking baby face. The mini-Kong referred to in the opening quote. The trailer misled me into thinking that we were going down the road of cutesy li’l baby Kong for laughs, as Toho did in the mid-sixties when they introduced Minilla in Son of Godzilla. (Before I receive the howls of outrage, “Godzooky” was only seen in the TV cartoon series of the seventies, and was Godzilla’s cowardly nephew.) Toho were busy making Godzilla movies lighter, more kid friendly at that point, before eventually returning Godzilla to his feral destructive ways, and I didn’t want to be subjected to that again. Kong isn’t to be played for laughs. Not only that – but the trailer showed Kong fitted with some sort of power glove? (A POWER GLOVE? He’s not Thanos! What the hell would Kong need with a power glove. Insanity.)

But, off I dutifully went – because if there’s a Kong and/or Godzilla movie showing at the multiplex, then I’m there.

Within seconds of the film opening, I was hooked. Within minutes, I realised that the trailed had misled me completely. Yes, there’s a smaller giant ape, but no, he’s not a mini-Kong. I just want to get that out there in case the trailer is making anyone else reluctant to take their cinema seats.

On with the show.

Since the events of Godzilla vs Kong, three years have passed, both in movie production time and in the storyline. Kong is minding his own business in the realm of the Hollow Earth. (One point I need to address here – I don’t understand how the Hollow Earth is so well lit. It’s literally a hollow massive expanse under the Earth’s crust. There’s no way light could reach down there, unless I missed a line of dialogue explaining it somehow. I suspect those crystals. BUT, whatever the explanation, it’s better than listening to animal noises on a black screen, I guess.) Meanwhile, on the surface, Godzilla is keeping order between humanity and the Titans (the other giant Kaiju monsters) and napping, adorably curled up in the Coliseum in Rome which he’s decided is his bed now.

Here's another point I have to question – what has Rome ever done to Hollywood? Over the past year, I’ve seen that large parts of that city destroyed in Fast X and Mission: Impossible- Dead Reckoning last summer, and again, when a Titan attacks in the early part of this film.

We know from the previous film that Kong & Godzilla have to be kept apart because they’re mortal enemies, but the best laid plans and all that. Something is triggering Godzilla to stomp his way through what remains of Rome, to attack a nuclear power plant in France, meanwhile, Kong stumbles into a sink hole, discovering a tribe of giant apes, pretty much like himself, of which the juvenile is one.

The tribe of apes are a common enemy to both Kong and Godzilla, who must join forces to overcome not only them, but another Titan under the tribe’s control. This one is called Shimo who has an ice breath, freezing everything in its reach. (Wow, hot on the heels of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire so to speak – freezing everything is in vogue this year.) As for the Power Glove, which I maligned and grumbled abut endlessly prior to seeing the film, I’ll just say that it made sense, and I accepted it within the context. (Stupid trailer!)

So that’s basically the plot. Large portions of the film involve giant monsters beating the holy hell out of each other. It’s as if the WWE had decided to make a Kaiju Monster Movie. And oddly enough, as part of the promotion for the film, Warners sponsored an episode of WWE’s flagship show RAW and ran a trailer with the WWE commentators calling the action in a fight scene.

It’s everything you want to see in this type of film. But, having had this particular argument more times than I can recall, I’ll point out that if you’re not a fan of giant monsters, there’s nothing for you here. 34 years of marriage have taught me that no matter how persistent I am in my love for these movies, those who don’t like them (and I’m looking at Maria, my wife of 34 years) will NEVER like them, they are indeed the love ‘em or hate ‘em Marmite of the film industry.

Inevitably, as this is Godzilla’s second appearance on cinema screens in three and a half months, albeit in different film series continuities from different studios, comparisons will be made between this move and Godzilla Minus One. I think that such comparisons are unfair, as the Japanese films are made from a different perspective and as such is a more serious film, with Godzilla as more of a metaphor for nuclear destruction. I gave Godzilla Minus One a full 10. This one isn’t a 10, but isn’t an 8 or lower either.

Rob Rating - 9