Meg 2: The Trench Review

“That’s the biggest Meg anybody’s ever seen!” – Jonas Taylor

Inevitably, after the success of The Meg five years ago, there’s have to be a sequel. I mean who, in their right mind wouldn’t want to see giant prehistoric sharks go another round with Jason Statham – right? The size of the audience at the screening I attended certainly seems to indicate that this is indeed the case. It looks like post pandemic, audiences are flocking back to cinemas, despite what the naysayers will have you believe. Cinema most certainly ISN’T dead – it’s thriving healthily, certainly during this year’s summer blockbuster season – at least at the multiplex I call my second home.

I think we need films like this one. It’s the mindlessly entertaining middle ground between Oppenheimer and the somewhat preachy Barbie. It’s a crowd pleaser. As long as you’re not going in with the intention of taking the film completely seriously. But with Statham and giant sharks, we KNOW we’re not going in to see a sombre documentary – right?

By sheer coincidence, over the past couple of weeks I’ve been revisiting the old Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV series, out of a sheer yearning for nostalgia. That series, along with another Irwin Allen production Lost in Space was, back in the early sixties, my entry point for sci-fi. The “sci” in sci-fi here being very loosely applied. The Irwin Allen school of science is a very strange place. For example, you can skin dive in the deepest part of the Mariana trench without being crushed to atoms by the water pressure. The Meg movies are definitely graduates of the Irwin Allen School of Science. There’s no need for depressurisation, water pressure hardly applies, except as a plot device to remind us they’re underwater, I could go on, but that’s not the point of the film, so I’m not going to dwell too much on it. The point of the film is to basically sit down and enjoy some escapist bliss. And at THAT aspect, this film is a total success.

At its heart, this is what used to be called a B movie, except it’s made with an A movie budget. The effects are absolutely great. The plot is pretty thin, and the dialogue is corny with a side order of cheese. It is what it is. It’s the kind of movie Dwayne Johnson makes. Over the top, leave any questions at the door, enjoy the spectacle.

As the film starts, we see that Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) has, since the events of the last film, become something of an eco-warrior which gives him an opportunity to indulge in fight sequences that were missing from the first film. The oceanic research institute is still in operation, and have a Meg in captivity – they rescued it as an injured calf and they’re trying to train it (??) And they’re still messing with the Trench, where they discovered the original meg.

As they’re surveying and mapping this deepest part of the deepest trench on Earth, a rogue mining operation is discovered, along with more megs. At this point, the giant sharks are pretty much a plot device to slim down the cast, most of the time here given over to investigating the pirate mining operation. In the final third of the film though, we’re back on track – almost as if the writers suddenly remembered that this is supposed to be a giant shark movie, and they throw just about everything they can in. Prehistoric snapping creatures – done. A pack of three giant Megs, including a particularly scarred and disfigured one – done. And best of all – a giant octopus, all headed for population.

This is what we’ve paid for, this is what we want to see and on this simple monster movie level, the film doesn’t let us down. (Frankly, I can’t remember the last time a giant octopus featured in a movie I’ve seen at the cinema.) It’s action all the way, all tentacles, snapping teeth, gunfire, explosions and Jason Statham on a jet ski. That right there is all you really need to know. If you’re up for that, grab your popcorn and settle yourself down for a big action blockbuster that you can just allow to wash over you. It’s big, dumb fun – and the way the world is, we need that.

If, however, you’re going to sit with a dour expression, criticising the unfeasibility of it all, then you’d best stay away – this clearly isn’t your movie.

Rob Rating 7/10